Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Wednesdays for Wyatt!


I just came across Danielle's blog this morning, and I am proud to be one of Wyatt's supporters! Go to this post for more info.


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"For those of you who are not familiar with my family and what we are trying to achieve, here’s a brief run down...


Our son Wyatt was diagnosed with a fatal condition at our 18 week ultrasound, but chose to carry him to term. We waited to meet our son with love, all the time praying we would get to see him alive.


On June 1, 2009, Wyatt made his way into the world by c-section. To our amazement he had a faint heartbeat and was breathing! He died two minutes later, but I’ve clung to the two minutes my son and I breathed the same air since his passing.


Upon calling to get a copy of Wyatt’s birth certificate, I found out he was listed as a stillborn. You would assume it was a mistake (like I did), but there was no mistake. According to the definition of live birth in Tennessee my son was not “alive enough” to be deemed a live born baby. His two minutes of life has gone unrecognized by my state, and I intend to change this piece of legislation so I can solidify the validity of my son’s short life.


Wednesdays for Wyatt was created to help spread awareness for a law that needs to be changed, as well as to generate more traffic to my petition. So if you’re reading this, thanks for taking the time to help our family!


We are currently up to 1,253 signatures. Hurray! We’ve made it over my initial goal of 1,000 signatures, and now I’m dreaming big! You think you can help me get 5,000 signatures by Thanksgiving? I bet you could, and I hope this Wednesdays for Wyatt helps out tremendously. Post this to your blogs, facebook, myspace... wherever you can think of. I can’t wait to see how many more signatures we receive from this. I have a great feeling!


The contest will only be open today. You have until 11:59 pm to post this on your blog and come back here to link up with MckLinky in order to qualify for this Wednesdays for Wyatt giveaway. Good luck everybody and thanks for participating."

Friday, October 16, 2009

Surviving

First of all, thank you all SO MUCH for your comments, concerns and prayers. They have helped! I'm not going to say that everything is well; but I'm certainly better today than I was last night. My friend and I talked today, and though I don't think it will be quite the same for a while; I don't think we're too far gone to save our friendship. As for my son, I can only hope that he forgives me, and that will be enough. Jaclyn, you're right: my love should be enough!

Needless to say, I need to get going back to church and make God an even bigger part of my life. It's a struggle, I know, but like one of you said, it can only go up from the bottom...which is where I am now. I have to have faith, even when it's hard to, that He will lift me up and show me the way to His love.

Thank you so so so much again for all of your kind words, prayers and thoughts. God must not ever be far from me if I have all of you.

Please, God, I can't take any more!

I don't know what happened. I don't know who I am anymore. I forgot to light a candle for my son today, on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day!!!!! I forgot because I've ruined my own life and it's all crashing down on me. I have been shivering for hours. Not because of the cold, but because of the crying. I can't breathe. I forgot my son. I lost my best friend. All in one day. There has only ever been one person I knew I could go to for anything. And because I'm a crazy, worthless, self-defeating bitch...I've lost my best friend. She wants nothing to do with me. She's the one person I know was showing up to my son's birthday party. The one person I knew would catch me when I fall. My other best friend is her husband, too. Gone. Her kids mean the world to me, as if they were my own, and now I'll never see them grow up.

I don't know where it started, but I know it's got to end. I can't do this anymore. The people who take their own lives...I get it now. I would rather die now than be alone through the worst few months of my life. If someone who has meant so much to me will just abandon me in my darkest hour, I've done something wrong. Well, I've done plenty wrong...I just don't know why. I don't know why I say or do anything. I think it's because since I lost my son, and then my father and then the love of my life left me...I've never been the same. I suppose I've leaned too hard on my best friend after all of this happened, but what else could I do? And I thought I had at least tried to be a good friend back, but apparently I was never even that. I've only ever been a burden, to everyone I know. I've lost everyone that was ever important to me because of who I am.

This will be the hardest few months of my life coming up. It's the first year I've ever been able to acknowledge that my son was ever alive. And as thankful as I am for being able to celebrate him, sometimes I wish I was still numb. I wish sometimes I didn't care, or still tried not to remember. Because then I'd still have friends. Then I'd still be functioning in society. Then no one would have to know I was crazy. Then I'd still have my best friend.

Did I mention, I FORGOT MY SON!?!?!?? Mother of the year award goes to me.

Where will it end? If ending my life will end all of this; then catch you later, folks...

Monday, October 12, 2009

I ♥ Faces - Week 40 - "Excited!" Photo Challenge


For this week's I Faces Photo Challenge, the theme is "Excited!" For my entry, I chose this picture of my good friend and his daughter (my "niece") at her 3rd birthday party. I have always thought this photo was so precious and I'm glad I get to share it with all of you!


Friday, October 9, 2009

I Heart Faces: Fix-It Friday :-)


This is my first ever I Heart Faces Fix-It Friday entry! I used iPhoto (because it's all I have), which doesn't have a lot of options, but...I first enhanced the photo, then played around with the saturation, temperature, exposure, and all that good stuff. Then, I used the retouch feature to cover up imperfections and even out skin tone. Finally, I used the adjustments tab to boost the color and add a little edge blur. Simple, not much change, but thought I'd give it a whirl!


Here's the final result:


Monday, October 5, 2009

Not Me! Monday



Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
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First of all, I most certainly have never done anything worthy of lying about.

For instance, this past friday (9/25) was my 24th birthday. I had a party, at which I did not have a little too much Jagermeister and did not pass out at 10:30 PM...not bailing on my own birthday party! I also did not wake up around 5:30 AM the next morning still in all of my clothes...complete with jewelry, shoes and ankle brace! Not me!

You know what else? I most certainly have not neglected to clean my apartment lately. I definitely do not have so much laundry that I'm swimming in it; and I do not have a bunch of trash to take out. I do not occasionally Febreze my jeans and throw them in the dryer for ten minutes instead of washing them. I also have not, for weeks on end, forgotten to head down to my mailbox and grab my mail. I did not get a note in my door from the front office, because said mailbox was not overflowing! Nope...not me!

I have also not gained the title of worst church attendance ever! I have not missed church for almost two months now, and I did not, despite all efforts, miss it again last night. I would never do such a thing! Not me!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Branded


Got my first tattoo tonight! In memory of my little Angel!