Fight For Preemies!

Today is Bloggers Unite's event to FIGHT FOR PREEMIES! In honor of this, participating bloggers are asked to blog about a preemie in their lives. Whether past or present, here or with the Angels, your own child or a child you know; join me and many others and blog about a preemie that has touched your life!

"Every year, 20 million babies are born too soon, too small and very sick ― half a million of them in the United States. November 17 is when we fight.

Do you know a baby that was born too soon, too small, unable to suck, unable to breathe on his own? Premature birth is a health crisis that jeopardizes the lives and health of nearly half-million babies each year. It is the #1 killer of newborns and can lead to lifelong disabilities. Worse: the number has increased 31 percent since 1981. It can happen without warning and for no known reason. Until we have more answers, anyone’s baby, could be born too soon.

Medical advances give even the tiniest babies a chance of survival, yet for many babies premature birth is still a life or death condition. It’s the #1 cause of death during the first month of life. And babies who survive face serious health challenges and risk lifelong disabilities.

The rate of premature birth has never been higher. In half the cases, we simply don’t understand what went wrong. We need to fight for answers. And, ultimately, preventions.

November 17 is dedicated to raising awareness of the crisis of premature birth. The March of Dimes invites bloggers like you to get involved.

• Learn about premature birth at marchofdimes.com/fightforpreemies
• Put a badge on your blog during November, Prematurity Awareness Month®
• On November 17, blog for a baby you love and to help others

We need to fight ― because babies shouldn’t have to."

So...I bet you all can guess who I'm going to blog about, right? TREVOR, of course! This event could not have come at a more perfect time for my son and I. His birthday is this weekend, so I feel extra honored to blog about him! Let me give you a brief description of his short but precious life. On November 22, 2004, at 22 weeks gestation, my son decided he was ready to greet the world; but it was much, much too early. Despite efforts to stop my labor, Trevor was delivered to me at 11:22 PM, alive but struggling. He was just 1lb. 6oz. and just under 13 inches long. His lungs were not fully developed, even for his gestational age, and this caused him to be unable to breathe on his own. His lungs were also too small for the machine available to expand them. After 22 precious minutes, at 11:44 PM, Trevor Michael went to be with the Angels. If you would like to know the full story of my son's life, visit my post titled How My Angel Earned His Wings (photo included).

As of this coming Sunday, my son would be 5 years old. He would be running wild and getting ready for his Transformer's birthday party! He'd be breathing the same air as all of us. Most of all, he'd be here with his Mama, every day. Although medical advances have made great strides already for premature babies; there's still a lot to uncover. Had there been more advanced medical technology available, and his father and I had been more informed about the risks of prematurity, my son, as well as millions of other babies, could be here with us today.

Please donate to March of Dimes in honor of Trevor Michael, by visiting his Memory Band. The March of Dimes funds research and raises awareness for preemies and their families. Help babies like my son get the care they need to survive; and parents like me to be more educated on the risks and signs of premature birth.

Follower Of The Month

Hey there! I just wanted to write a quick update and let you all know that I was featured as With An Angel On My Shoulder's Follower Of The Month! You can check out the post HERE.

Be sure to leave Ter a comment and start following her blog, if you don't already!

Have a great weekend!

The Secret Garden Meeting - October

"Welcome to the garden. A place that is only open for bereaved parents. It is our garden, our secret place to come to. A place to remember our children with those who understand us. It is a place to just be, without worry or fear of not being accepted. May you feel safe to share your hearts here in the garden."

So this meeting we would like to talk about where you are. Where are you at in your grief? Has it been years or just weeks since you lost your baby. How are you feeling. How do you hope you will feel in the future. Have you found any peace at all?

Where I am in my grief is a lot different than most. The length of time since my loss, and the stage of my grief are completely different from each other. Although my son was born and went to the Angels almost 5 years ago, I have only really begun opening up about him during this past year. So, even though I've had five years to grieve; I've only been active in this grief for less than 13 months. So where am I in my grief? Well, I'm certainly not out of the "it's not fair" stage. At least, not completely. I'm not all the way out of the being-jealous-of-mothers-with-young-boys phase, either. Although I will say this: where I am now, and where I was even six weeks ago are also quite different. I thought the fall weather, and Trevor's impending birthday was going to kill me; and it's done exactly the opposite. It's cheered me up! I've been happy for my son and his mansion in Heaven! I've been eager to celebrate him; instead of just being miserable without him. I will never, ever, "get over" my son's death. I will also never, ever, go a day without missing him; but I have realized that Trev wouldn't want Mama moping around all day feeling sorry for herself. So, I won't do it anymore (or at least, I'm going to TRY really hard). I guess I'm at the beginning of getting back to "normal". I will always, however have to put that word ("normal"), in quotations; because really, what IS normal, now, without our children?

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Sidenote:

That's it for my Secret Garden Meeting, but I thought I would bring something to the attention of my followers. I am currently one of the plaintiffs in a civil wrongful death suit (in regards to the death of my father). I will be in the courtroom pretty much all day (9-5) for the next 2-3 weeks; and at night, I'm going to crash. Needless to say, I won't be blogging or commenting much, but I promise, at the least, to update before Trevor's birthday party and give all the details! Thanks so much for everyone's support so far. Talk to you all very soon...promise!

Wednesdays for Wyatt!

I just came across Danielle's blog this morning, and I am proud to be one of Wyatt's supporters! Go to this post for more info.

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"For those of you who are not familiar with my family and what we are trying to achieve, here’s a brief run down...

Our son Wyatt was diagnosed with a fatal condition at our 18 week ultrasound, but chose to carry him to term. We waited to meet our son with love, all the time praying we would get to see him alive.

On June 1, 2009, Wyatt made his way into the world by c-section. To our amazement he had a faint heartbeat and was breathing! He died two minutes later, but I’ve clung to the two minutes my son and I breathed the same air since his passing.

Upon calling to get a copy of Wyatt’s birth certificate, I found out he was listed as a stillborn. You would assume it was a mistake (like I did), but there was no mistake. According to the definition of live birth in Tennessee my son was not “alive enough” to be deemed a live born baby. His two minutes of life has gone unrecognized by my state, and I intend to change this piece of legislation so I can solidify the validity of my son’s short life.

Wednesdays for Wyatt was created to help spread awareness for a law that needs to be changed, as well as to generate more traffic to my petition. So if you’re reading this, thanks for taking the time to help our family!

We are currently up to 1,253 signatures. Hurray! We’ve made it over my initial goal of 1,000 signatures, and now I’m dreaming big! You think you can help me get 5,000 signatures by Thanksgiving? I bet you could, and I hope this Wednesdays for Wyatt helps out tremendously. Post this to your blogs, facebook, myspace... wherever you can think of. I can’t wait to see how many more signatures we receive from this. I have a great feeling!

The contest will only be open today. You have until 11:59 pm to post this on your blog and come back here to link up with MckLinky in order to qualify for this Wednesdays for Wyatt giveaway. Good luck everybody and thanks for participating."

Surviving

First of all, thank you all SO MUCH for your comments, concerns and prayers. They have helped! I'm not going to say that everything is well; but I'm certainly better today than I was last night. My friend and I talked today, and though I don't think it will be quite the same for a while; I don't think we're too far gone to save our friendship. As for my son, I can only hope that he forgives me, and that will be enough. Jaclyn, you're right: my love should be enough!

Needless to say, I need to get going back to church and make God an even bigger part of my life. It's a struggle, I know, but like one of you said, it can only go up from the bottom...which is where I am now. I have to have faith, even when it's hard to, that He will lift me up and show me the way to His love.

Thank you so so so much again for all of your kind words, prayers and thoughts. God must not ever be far from me if I have all of you.

Please, God, I can't take any more!

I don't know what happened. I don't know who I am anymore. I forgot to light a candle for my son today, on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day!!!!! I forgot because I've ruined my own life and it's all crashing down on me. I have been shivering for hours. Not because of the cold, but because of the crying. I can't breathe. I forgot my son. I lost my best friend. All in one day. There has only ever been one person I knew I could go to for anything. And because I'm a crazy, worthless, self-defeating bitch...I've lost my best friend. She wants nothing to do with me. She's the one person I know was showing up to my son's birthday party. The one person I knew would catch me when I fall. My other best friend is her husband, too. Gone. Her kids mean the world to me, as if they were my own, and now I'll never see them grow up.

I don't know where it started, but I know it's got to end. I can't do this anymore. The people who take their own lives...I get it now. I would rather die now than be alone through the worst few months of my life. If someone who has meant so much to me will just abandon me in my darkest hour, I've done something wrong. Well, I've done plenty wrong...I just don't know why. I don't know why I say or do anything. I think it's because since I lost my son, and then my father and then the love of my life left me...I've never been the same. I suppose I've leaned too hard on my best friend after all of this happened, but what else could I do? And I thought I had at least tried to be a good friend back, but apparently I was never even that. I've only ever been a burden, to everyone I know. I've lost everyone that was ever important to me because of who I am.

This will be the hardest few months of my life coming up. It's the first year I've ever been able to acknowledge that my son was ever alive. And as thankful as I am for being able to celebrate him, sometimes I wish I was still numb. I wish sometimes I didn't care, or still tried not to remember. Because then I'd still have friends. Then I'd still be functioning in society. Then no one would have to know I was crazy. Then I'd still have my best friend.

Did I mention, I FORGOT MY SON!?!?!?? Mother of the year award goes to me.

Where will it end? If ending my life will end all of this; then catch you later, folks...

I ♥ Faces - Week 40 - "Excited!" Photo Challenge

For this week's I ♥ Faces Photo Challenge, the theme is "Excited!" For my entry, I chose this picture of my good friend and his daughter (my "niece") at her 3rd birthday party. I have always thought this photo was so precious and I'm glad I get to share it with all of you!