Saturday, May 9, 2009

Mothers Day

I don't know how I'm going to feel tomorrow.  I have never been able to even be considered on Mothers Day, and now that my story is out in the open, I've had mixed feelings.  My friends and family have all made it very clear to me that I AM a mother; and I truly appreciate their kind words and encouragement.  But somehow, it's still bittersweet.  I guess that's just the way it is.

On the other hand, I had the sweetest conversation with my little (well, 18-year-old, 6-foot, "little") brother last night about Trevor.  First of all, every time he speaks of him, he calls him "Trevor Michael" instead of just Trevor or Trev, like I do.  Michael was our Dad's name; he passed away in 2006, so maybe that's why Peyton (my brother) does that.  Either way, I LOVE sounds so adorable coming from little bro's mouth.  He said to me "I can't imagine what you must have gone through.  To know your little baby and then have to let him go."  He also said he'd love to be an uncle; that it would have been "so cool," and he would have "taken him everywhere with me".  My family's never been big on talking about things like this (almost every other woman on my mom's side has had a miscarriage or stillbirth, and no one ever talks about it); so it's really great that my brother, the one who could never understand, wants to talk about Trevor.

Lastly, I found this video on a fellow Baby Lost Mama's blog, and decided to share it with you all.  I'm warning you: break out the tissues!  But it helped me a lot to ease my troubled heart.  (Go down to the bottom of the page first, and pause my playlist.) Happy Mothers Day, everyone!

1 comment:

  1. Its true, you are a mother. Nothing changes that. Not life, not death. Nothing. You are a mother just like the Earth is round, just like our hearts beat or we blink our eyes. I hope you find some peace this mother's day. Take some time to sit quietly and refelct on the time you had with your precious Trevor. Know that a time will come that you will be reunited and until then he is in your heart.