Friday, March 27, 2009

Under The Tree - March

Do you have a special place in your home for your baby/ies? What is it like? Do you have any rituals that you perform in memory of your baby/ies?

I don't. Unfortunately, a lot of people who come and visit me don't know about Trevor. (Read the entry, "How My Angel Earned His Wings" if you're curious.) I have the picture of his name in the sand in a frame, but I put it away when company is coming. It's sad, honestly. But at this point, there's nothing I can do. I am planning on having the few people that know come with me to the beach to release 22 blue balloons in his honor when it gets warmer. This will be the first time I've celebrated his life; instead of mourning it.

If you believe in an afterlife, do you receive signs from your baby/ies? Have you ever felt their presence? Do you find them in nature? Do they visit you in your dreams?

I definitely believe in God and Heaven. I know my little man is with Him. I get signs from Trevor all the time! Even if it's just a little opening in the clouds where the sun is shining through. Or a breeze, or the stars. When I'm at my friends' house, her kids' toys go off all the time when no one is near them. There's a particular one that has gone off almost every time I sit near it or walk by...even if it's turned off! I hear faint giggling, and things knock themselves over all the time. Typical 4-year-old boy! I once had a very vivid dream about my son. He was standing right next to my bed, saying, "Mama, I love you. I'm okay." I coudn't touch him...he was just out of reach! I've never dreamed anything that felt so real.

Do you have a special poem, song, prayer or quote in memory of your baby/ies?

I LOVE LOVE LOVE "Lay Me Down" by Hanson. It's literally written about laying your child to rest. It was inspired by a trip the brothers took to Africa, on which they witnessed first-hand the heartbreak of parents burying their children every day because of AIDS. My son left me for different reasons; but it really hits home.

Also, their song "Broken Angel" reminds me a lot of a baby who came too early, like Trevor.

For those "Baby Lost Mamas" who don't know about Under The Tree, you should check it out:


  1. First off I just read your story of Trevor and wow. It made me cry. He fought so hard and he was so tiny and still stayed for 22 minutes! What a little beautiful trooper her was!!

    Thank you for letting me 'meet' your dear baby and you

  2. Thank you so much for your comment. :-)